Narcissists and Control
There is a pattern to how narcissists operate. They charm, manipulate, and drain. They rewrite history, twist reality, and somehow always make themselves the victim. Their survival strategy based on delusions of using insecurity as an excuse to be abusive: is to project confidence and superiority. What they crave is control, and the moment you stop feeding their need for validation, they unravel.
The Game They Play
Narcissists do not just want admiration, they want dominance. Everything is a test to see how much you will tolerate. They push boundaries, take without giving, and wear down your sense of self until you are questioning what is real. They use love as leverage, attention as a weapon, and guilt as a leash. They do not form connections, they take hostages.
This is why narcissistic relationships often feel like an addiction. They pull you in with highs that feel intoxicating, only to send you spiraling with calculated emotional withdrawals. One day you are everything to them, the next you are nothing. They manufacture chaos so you spend all your energy chasing stability. They love to see you emotionally exhausted because the weaker you feel, the easier you are to control.
They Do Not Love, They Possess
A narcissist’s version of love is about ownership, not partnership. They do not want an equal, they want an extension of themselves. Someone to reflect back the image they have carefully constructed. They will admire you at first, but only in ways that serve them. The moment you assert independence, they see it as a threat. They will belittle your interests, dismiss your accomplishments, and chip away at your confidence until you start doubting yourself. Because the more unsure you are, the more you rely on them.
They do not want to see you thrive. They want to see you stay. If they praise you, it is to keep you under control. If they tear you down, it is to keep you under control. Either way, everything they do is a tactic to make sure they stay at the center of your world.
The Emotional Toll of Their Manipulation
What makes narcissistic abuse so insidious is that it is often invisible. There are no bruises, no obvious scars, but the damage is just as real. The constant gaslighting rewires your brain to question your reality. The emotional rollercoaster conditions your nervous system to accept instability as normal. The need for their approval turns into a subconscious craving that keeps you trapped in the cycle.
It does not happen overnight. It is slow, subtle, designed to break you down piece by piece until you are no longer the person you once were. The more time you spend in their world, the harder it becomes to leave. And that is exactly how they want it.
Breaking Free from Their Cycle
The only way to win against a narcissist is to stop playing their game. Set boundaries and enforce them. Do not explain yourself to someone who thrives on distorting the truth. Do not expect accountability from someone who only sees their own reflection. Do not waste energy trying to change them, because they will only pretend to change as long as it keeps you under their control.
Walking away from a narcissist is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also the most important. Because the truth is, they do not break you. They trick you into breaking yourself. They convince you to silence your voice, suppress your needs, and shrink to fit into the version of you they can control. But the moment you reclaim your voice, they lose their power.
Your Power Lies in Walking Away
Healing from a narcissist means learning to trust yourself again. It means understanding that their projections were never about you. It means reclaiming the parts of yourself they tried to erase. The moment you stop seeking their validation, you break the chains they tried to wrap around you. You do not need closure from them. Their behavior is your closure. The real victory is choosing yourself.
It is in remembering that you are whole, that you always were, and that they were the ones who needed you, not the other way around.
Zenia is a multifaceted artist, musician, singer, actress, and tech advisor, dedicated to inspiring transformation through authentic expression. A natural wellness advocate and activist, she supports movements, foundations, and individuals committed to meaningful change. Zenia empowers people to live from the heart, harnessing the power of music, art, lifestyle shifts, and conscious awareness. Rooted in a family legacy of yoga, meditation, holistic health, education, and law, she carries forward a tradition of healing and knowledge, blending artistry with advocacy to make a lasting impact on the world.
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